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(September
15 – September 21, 2008) In-Depth Juan L.
Mercado Kids and
Hamlet (A 1st grade school teacher
presented the kids, in her class, with the first half of well-known proverb.
Supply the other half, she then asked them: The proverbs, with the second
half set of by quotes, appear below. The kids’ replies are in brackets The insights of these
six year olds may surprise you. But then maybe not. After all, didn’t the Psalmist write: “Out
of the mouths of infants and sucklings O, Lord, You have perfected
praise.”—JLM) 1. Don’t change horses “in midstream”. (Until they stop running)”. 2. Strike while
the “iron is hot”. (Until the bug is close). 3. It’s always darkest “before
the dawn.” (Daylight saving time.) . 4. Never underestimate the “power of a
woman.” (Termites). 5. Don’t bite the hand
“that feeds you”. (Looks dirty). 6. No news is “good news.” (Impossible.) 7.
You can’t teach an old dog “new tricks.” (Math); 8. An idle mind is “the devil’s workshop”
(The best way to relax) 9. Where there’s
smoke “there’s fire”. (Pollution) 10. A penny saved is “a penny earned”. (Not
much) 11 Two’s company, there’s “a crowd”. (The Musketeers); 12. Don’t put
off till tomorrow what “you can do today”. (You put on to go to bed.) And the
winner was: Better late than “never”. (Pregnant.) Now, this one is
titled: “Questions That Haunt Me.”
They were compiled by a teacher of older students, actually in 6th
grade. See if you can answer them. 1. “Can you cry
underwater”? 2. “How important does a person have to be before they’re
considered ‘assassinated’ instead of murdered?” 3. “Why does a round pizza
come in a square box?” 4. “Why do people
say they ’slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours or so?” 5 “If a deaf person
goes to court, is it still called a ‘hearing? 6. Why is ‘bra” singular and
panties ‘plural’? 7. “If corn oil is
made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil
made from? 8. “If electricity comes
from electrons, does morality come from morons?” 9. “Why do they call
it an asteroid when it is outside the hemisphere but they call it a
hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?” 13. “Does the Alphabet Song “A, B, C, D”
and ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star’ have the same tune?” 14. “And why did you
just try singing the two tunes above?” Do nationalities
shape the wisecracks? Below is what a
friend titled as “Samples of American Humor”: A man charges into a
bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun. “Everyone get on the
floor!!” he shouts and stash the cash drawers. As he runs towards the door, a
brave customer yanks off his mask.
The robber immediately shoots him and shouts. “Anybody else here see
my face?” The robber notices
another customer peering from behind a counter. He shoots him, too. “Did anybody else see my face?” he shouts
again, waving his gun. There is silence for
a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner. “I think my missus
caught a glimpse....” Another is about the
distraught man who dashes in to see the Rabbi. “Something terrible is
happening, Rabbi,” he said. “And I have to talk to you about it.’ The Rabbi asked, ‘Why? What’s wrong?’ ‘My wife is
poisoning me,’ the man claimed. A surprised Rabbi asks: ‘How can that be?’ But the man
insists: ‘I’m telling you, I’m certain
she’s poisoning me, what should I do? ‘’Tell you what,” the Rabbi says. “Let
me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.’ A week later the
Rabbi calls the man and says, ‘Well, I called your wife. I spoke to her on
the phone for three hours. You want my advice?’ The man said yes. And the Rabbi slowly but
distinctly said: ‘Take the poison.’ And this one, a
friend wrote, has not title. But it may be read on the weekend. It also holds
good for Monday to Saturday. Check it out: “Be kinder than
necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
And forget about the one’s who
don’t. “Believe everything
happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both
hands. If it changes your life, let
it. But if you want your dreams to
come true, you mustn’t oversleep. Ideas won’t work unless ‘ you ‘ do. And one
thing you can’t recycle is wasted
time. The happiness of
life depends on the quality of your thoughts. Your mind is like a
parachute...it functions only when open.
Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth
it. If you lack the courage to start, you’re already finished. The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a
lifetime! It is never too late to become what you might have been. “A sharp tongue can
cut your own throat. Of all the things
you wear, you expression is the most important. The heaviest thing you can carry is a
grudge. I lie the loudest when I lie
to myself. “Sometimes we are so caught up in who’s
right and who’s wrong, So we forget what’s right and wrong. Remember: The
“Ten Commandments” are not a multiple choice. “Friends are like
balloons. Once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get
so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that
we’ve let them fly away. “Sometimes we just
don’t realize what real friendship means until it is too late. That is why in
Hamlet, we read: “Those friends and their adoption tried/ Grapple them to thy
soul with hoops of steel.” E-mail:
juan_mercado@prime.net.ph Ilocos Times copyright 2008 |
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