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OPINIONS
/ COLUMNS
(October
6– October 12, 2008) Riknakem Herdy La. Yumul Of weight loss and flimsy revolutions Resisting the Belonization of Philippine society JUAN DE LA CRUZ has
always been portrayed as a frail man who is bordering on the malnourished,
reflective perhaps of the plight of many Filipinos who have very little, if
any at all, on their dinner tables. I prefer however to
imagine Juan as obese, one who cannot walk ten meters without panting, but
who can run fast as a squirrel to the dinner table where bagnet,
sisig, and adobong
baboy are waiting to become part of his already
multi-layered flab. If I were to be
appointed as Presidential Adviser for Weight Loss Affairs (if and when this
post is created as obesity rates reach alarming levels), I would present the
following proposal which, I hope, will merit some consideration: Presidential Decree 8888, A Measure
Placing the Entire Nation under Calorie Preemptive Reduction or CPR. In detailing this
program (which I hope will not be ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme
Court), allow me to intersperse personal insights on my own journey to the
medium-sized world. Section 1. Government takeover of liposuction clinics
and confiscation of weight-loss magic tricks. Starstruck Juan is very familiar with the names Belo and Calayan (whose popularity now arguably matches, if not
exceeds, Bonifacio and Rizal’s),
what with television celebrities constantly thanking these fat-busting
surgeons for their figures to die for.
Under this provision, government shall takeover all liposuction
clinics, proprietors of these businesses shall be sentenced to do community
service as aerobics instructors, and all diet pills in the market shall be
confiscated and subsequently donated to the Philippine National Police. I expect the Church
to be supportive of these moves because more than a health concern, vanity
and gluttony are moral issues. Spending
a hundred pesos for a pill that will absorb fats from the sinful lechon you devoured over lunch while millions of
your brethren starve to death is not only imprudent, it is scandalous. Yes, these measures are drastic, but Juan Dela Cruz must be transformed by the bitter pills of
discipline, determination, hard work, and temperance. In 2001, I weighed
200 pounds, and, standing at 5’5", was grossly overweight. With a strict diet and exercise program
coupled with a strong resolve, I lost 75 pounds, over one-third of my
original weight. Spanning a period of
two years, this feat was not achieved in haste. Juan is
unbelieving. He asks me what my
“secrets” are. “Eat right, exercise
more,” I tell him. But he continues to
look at me with doubtful eyes, I am reminded of the sinister smiles I got
from drug addicts in our neighborhood who suspected me of using shabu when I began to shed excess weight. Many Filipinos have
become so cynical that they have conceded to evil as the norm, and have
regarded the virtuous as fools.
Instant gratification, games of chance, and anything easy have become
the best friends of Juan. Section 2. No permit, no jolly policy By “jolly”, here we
mean fast-food stores like Jollibee and Mc
Donald’s. Before Juan can visit these
establishments, he will have to secure a permit from ex-Comelec
Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano,
who will head the Dagdag-Bawas Task Force—Dagdag Gulay-Bawas Karne. I am
afraid Garci will give special accommodations to
some VIPs, but it’s worth the risk. Knowing
how elusive the former is, one would be lucky to get a permit once in ten
years, if at all, unless you are phone pals. Ananda, my two-year old grandniece, will hate me for
suggesting this move. Ultimate
happiness to her means going to Jollibee. She loves french
fries, fried chicken, and soft drinks.
But, what we eat is what we are.
Who wants a society that fried chicken built? Section 3. Warrantless
arrests against rebellious “flip-flabbers” Government will be
spending heavily for CPR so it must ensure that public resources are not put
to waste. By “flip-flabbers” we refer to those who lose and gain weight
intermittently until they resign to being their old cholesterol-laden
selves. Juan has seen many flip-flabbers on television, like this actress-turned-tv-host whose surname sounds like the place where our
dear Messiah was born. Years ago, this
celebrity endorsed a weight-loss program that her current body figure now
decries as a hoax. Flip-flabbing happens when a problem’s roots are not
identified and addressed. No wonder
why after 3 EDSAs, this nation is still in
disarray. Superficial revolutions such
as these are like crash diets and liposuction treatments. They prove futile in the long run, for what
we need are systemic changes in attitude and mindset. It’s been seven
years since I have trimmed down, and have maintained my weight with
success. My neighbors no longer think
I am a drug addict. Juan tells me I
have inspired him, but he still asks for magic tricks. Section 4 Stopping Turo-turo
This provision of PD
ate-ate-ate-ate (or eat-eat-eat-eat if you come from the Visayas)
shall criminalize finger-pointing.
Juan can no longer blame his genes, his mother who cooks so well, or
government for his obesity. He will
have to take personal responsibility for every grain of rice he takes in. This is a bit
difficult because Juan has imbibed the habit of blaming others—our colonial
history, politicians, or the constitution—for
his woes, but fails to acknowledge his own remiss as an agent of
change. Juan complains of corrupt
policemen, but he is the same driver who bribes the traffic enforcer. He complains of cheating in the elections
but does little to ensure credibility in the polls. Section 5. Presidential Qualifications “Philosophers must
be kings,” said Plato. I am not about
to say, “Bodybuilders must be presidents,” or that a weight or muscle mass
requirement must be set for those who seek public office. It’s one thing to build muscles, it’s
another thing to know why, when, and how to flex them. Nonetheless, I am
sure that Juan would not be happy with a gym instructor who is twice as fat
as he is nor would he wish to be under the tutelage
of a bemuscled master who took In fitness gyms, one
is taught to develop strength, flexibility, and endurance. The gym instructress in Malacañang
made our republic as strong as marshmallow, as flexible as peanut brittle,
and as durable as the products made in Weight loss, very
much like charter change and people power, must be done only for the right
reasons, and initiated only by the right people at the right time. Otherwise, it is doomed to fail. No to horse
steroids, no to diet pills, no to flimsy revolutions and band-aid solutions. (For weight loss
advice, e-mail: herdiology@yahoo.com or visit http://riknakem.blogspot.com) Ilocos
Times copyright 2008 |
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